One Two Many Times
by dawnwatch
Summary: The length of time you are alive is proportional to the amount of havoc and mayhem you create with your presence. Alternatively throwing dynamite into an explosion can't really cause any more damage can it? Attempted Plot (I mean a story) OP Naruto (Please Nerf) High School DXD (Do I really need to say its probably going to have a harem?) Author calling him self out.
1. Chapter 1

Well Happy new year-ish and a newish story. I have had this sitting around for a while and felt like I needed to post something.

Overall the concept isn't new. Actually it is a bit overdone. Take that back. Way overdone. Hopefully I can do something to change the status que and make a better place. (Doubtful)

Please leave comments on ways I can improve as for as writing and storytelling go. I am not sure if the person I have beta-ing this wants there name attached to it.

I own neither Highschool DXD or Naruto. Probably making this illegal. Don't sue me. Please.

Enjoy the story.

~X~X~

If I had to sum up the ability to live for eternity I would have to say boring. I use the word boring because while others may be in a similar situation as me, some at least find someone to stay with for the sum total of eternity, there for removing the option of loneliness.

Back to my original statement, at some point you will realize that while you may not have seen everything there is in the multi-verse (yet), you begin to see a pattern develop.

Character A finds a problem in the world (genocide, hatred, destruction of the world, not getting any from significant other) then goes forth to resolve the issue (World Peace, utopia, fixed relationship, got a new sig other, hit the red light district) or dies trying (destruction of the world, School Days).

While the individual twists and turns change and add variety to the story, with time, you then begin to realize that those characters begin to fall into specific categories (jock, perv, pretty boy, play boy, girl next door, childhood friend, 'dat' bitch, the quiet one, the rich one, bitch, emo, airhead and etc). While there may be more stereotypes and they may sometimes try to stray from their character they never really get that far.

Which finally brings me to my current situation in which my eternal friend Kurama has once again played his role as a pain in my posterior quite well.

"You signed me up for high school again."

"You were moping around the house."

"No, I was mopping the dining room! There is a distinct difference."

"Well that's beside the point."

"The point being?"

"You are signed up for Kuoh Academy or something like that, which just recently changed from being an all-girls school to co-ed and you start class next week."

"It is Saturday. I start school Monday. That is not what that phrase implies."

"Just think of it this way-at least you are not cross dressing, faking your age, or your abilities this time."

"I always have to fake may age. No one believes I was born three big bangs plus years ago."

"So your new house is nice, the basement is huge."

"You are staying on the island then."

"Yep."

"How did you even get me registered?"

"They invented the internet again."

"Your posting my life story as a fanfic again, aren't you."

"Yep. Enjoy your new school."

"You know I hate you sometimes."

"Yep."

~O~O~

The light breeze buffeted my rough cut blonde hair, the sun resting on my whisker marks and blue eyes wasn't really helping my headache as I continued on my journey to my new school for the first time. I was wearing the standard uniform, a vertical striped shirt black pants and matching jacket with a string tie. It had taken me years to pull off, but wearing a tie correctly is in my mind one of the biggest accomplishments of my life.

To be honest it was more of a fluke then anything that I was alive still. If we were correct in our guesses, it was some mesh of being the host to the nine/ten tails, being a Sage, and Uzumaki that I was still alive.

And there was the gate to the school- it was nice wrought iron one with those spiky tip things that seem to go in and out of popularity. The only thing I could compare them to would be the girl standing next to it- mainly in the fact that she looked sharp, hard, and particularly hard to swing without getting my head bit off. Her black hair was in a no-nonsense bob contrasting nicely with her rounded red glasses. The uniform was the one I was starting to believe was the standard one with the short cape some sort of weird and entirely pointless tailed corset thing and a skirt that was short enough that I swear I could see half the girl's underwear while trying to look them in the eye. Seriously they had to have thrown darts to figure out the guys uniform and had a council of old fetish fashion designers create the girls.

She looked at me with a barely raised eye, "So you're the new student."

"The name is Uzumaki Naruto, it is a pleasure to meet you." My hand went forward a bit to see if she would shake it.

Ignoring my hand completely she continued. "Shitori Sona, I am the student council president. There was some concern about the documentation for your arrival, specifically the test scores. You will have to retake the entrance exam. Fortunately we have a test moderator on staff for these occasions but, unfortunately, he was needed to sub one of the classes for the second year students. You will have to take the tests during his class. If you would please follow me so we can get you into your proper classes soon that would be very much appreciated."

My hand ran through my hair as a barely audible, "This is going to be one of those days," escaped my lips.

~O~O~

The class started out easily enough with everyone in the same class as they were last year (except me obviously). I was asked to introduce myself. To be honest it was fairly normal with the three guys claiming their undying hatred of me for being too damn ruggedly handsome. Although there was the girl in those huge pink glasses and twin braids that fell out of her chair giggling "it can be any size I want," seemingly causing some of the girls stare at her, then me for some reason.

After that fun tidbit I was led to the back of the class by Sona, to a desk where I sat down and was handed a test which I promptly began to read through (due to my continued nasty experiences with the "did you read the instructions test"). I then promptly filled in all the dots, matched the correct answers, wrote out the essays, showed my work for the math problems, and wrote a three page dissertation on the effects of simulated violence on adolescent minds complete with an additional page and half of references in MLA style. On my second read through to quickly double check my work I realized the references were actually supposed to be in Chicago style and quickly remedying my mistake I turned and handed the test to Sona, which at this point you could clearly see her violet eyes visibly twitching.

Looking at the clock then hearing the bell ring I quickly deduced it was lunch, and seeing Sona start to leave then turn looking at me with a flinty look in her eye. "Meet me in the student council room after lunch for your class placement." Turning around her hair and cape flaring for the brief time it took and walked out with a crisp air.

Seeing that as my cue to leave, I slid my chair back before making a B line for the door before anyone could intercept me. Using my ever trusty nose I quickly went to work looking for what passed as a cafeteria here.

While I was able to find a handful of vending machines, the "cooking" club (they mainly baked), and the food research club (which was actually more of the cooking club) but yet with all of that they had no actual cafeteria.

Leaving me with my tried and true go to: Cup Ramen.

~O~O~

Sitting at my desk I slowly rubbed my nose under my red glasses as I tried to remove some of the frustration I had been dealing with since Saturday. From what I could tell the almost sole source of this frustration came from one bright blue eyed and sunny haired blond.

Luckily I was going to start the final stages of the vetting process for who would be the next addition to my peerage. One Genshirou Saiji. His personality seemed like it would work well with everyone else's and from what I could tell he had a high chance of manifesting a sacred gear. That along with his athletic ability pointed to him being a good candidate for my peerage.

The knocking on the door followed by Momo going over and opening it revealing Saiji. I motioned him to the chair in front of my desk, and he came over and slowly sat himself down clasping his hands on his lap in an attempt to hide his nervousness.

"Mr. Genshirou do you know why I called you here today?"

"No Ms. Shitori."

"I believe you might have what it takes to be a member of the student council." The smile that lite up his face was brilliant. "You would of course have to go through a probation period to see if you actual have what it takes but I feel confident in your abilities."

Standing up from my desk and walking around it causing Saiji to also stand up. "So while it is not yet official I would like to welcome you to student coun-"

"He just wants to knock you up."

The voice came from the door. Turning quickly my frustration trying to leak onto my face as I turn to possible the second most annoying person I have ever meet.

It was only a minor problem when his paperwork showed up late Friday night with everything filled in correctly but seemingly more as a joke then anything with his birthday simple listed as the 10 of October and his parents listed as Mr & Mrs. MacBastard. His test scores didn't help, putting him at the highest possible score to only be put in his last year of high school.

It became slightly concerning when a good number of the shares to the school were bought up by some up unto this point unknown entity.

It was mildly exasperating when the previously unsellable house next to mine went off the market and someone planted a mailbox reading Uzumaki Residence right next to the walkway. With accompanying sign saying "Danger Leave the Walkway at your own Risk."

It was only to be expected when he answered pretty much every question on the secondary test we give our transfers to make sure they didn't bluff their way in the best way possible. Including the essay question.

It only reached almost insufferable as I looked at the blond standing in the doorway chopsticks in one hand and a cheap cup of ramen in his other lifting another bunch of noodles to his mouth.

"What did you just say Uzumaki."

Holding the noodles right in front of his mouth he repeated something that should never be said in public as if he was discussing the weather. "He wants to knock you up. If you want the exact wording 'he just wants to knock you up.'-slurp"

The look of horror on Saiji's face might have been funny in any other circumstance.

"You better have some evidence to back that up Mr. Uzumaki or I will have to discipline you for defaming a fellow student."

"Ms. Shotori if he wanted to try to be part of the student government he would have tried to be a student representative or something. He is not wearing one of the armbands to an obviously important meeting so there is that. He carries himself more as an athlete probably baseball if I had to guess and while a good number of them do it for the enjoyment of the sport it can also be said the same number due it to be with their friends, the same number to be popular and in turn to try and pick up chicks.

"Sports makes him carnally appealing, I am guessing because you are recruiting him and from what little I have heard about you he obviously is smart enough to make him attractive to you."

"Uzumaki that is circumstantial at best."

"Throughout this entire monologue he has yet to try and defend himself, and he looks like he wants to faint." Slowly walking forward he continues his rant. "Over all it was a good idea might have worked but, now it is just going to be awkward. My bad about that."

"As a reconciliation might I suggest going and seeing if Ryoka over in class 2-4 would like to go to karaoke with you Friday night." The blond annoyance took a step to side giving a straight shot to the door which Saiji took advantage of not even looking back.

"Why are you even here Uzumaki?"

"I needed to pick up my schedule for my classes like you told me to."

Realizing that I had indeed asked him to come here I turned to my desk to find the insufferable paper that brought him here. "Why did you have to traumatize Mr. Genshirou like that."

"Both of you were about to make a mistake you would both regret in the future."

Turning and slamming the paper in his chest not even getting him to flinch as he puts his hand on it so it doesn't fall when I leave it hanging. Taking a step forward to stare into his eyes our noses almost touching. "And what do mean by that."

"Take it as you will Ns. Shitori. I need to get to class soon. As a side note do you have a recommendation for a club for me to join?"

I can slowly feel a smile overtake my face as the next words leave my mouth, "The Kendo club is always looking to recruit talented people."

"Thank you, I will keep that in mind." Turning he walks out of the room throwing his cup into the trashcan and pocketing the chopsticks.

"Tsubaki, Momo after school request a more in depth background check and go over the current one with a fine toothed comb. Reya, Ruruko you will go and monitor his house make sure there is nothing that he can detect. Tsubasa, try and tail him if you think he has caught on pull off and try again later. Tomoe go to the kendo club and monitor the situation there if you have a chance to fight him do it I want you to figure out if he has any combat training and if so what kind."

"Hai"

"Good everyone back to classes, we don't have much time left for our break."

~O~O~

As I walked to my class the last couple of minutes rolled through my mind. I hated it when people tried manipulating others. Officially making me one of the biggest hypocrites in the entire universe. I continually tried to help people guiding them to do what I would think would help them the most. I honestly hated myself for it more often than not.

The reasons for both were odd to think about sometimes. Rarely do you find someone trying to guide (see manipulate) people to become their best selves. The biggest example of this happened to have happened to someone I cared about.

Sauske. His brother tried to help him become strong and only left him open to more and more hate and being manipulated by others. Itachi only meant to make his brother strong to be able to fight the incoming storm but only left him controlled by that very same storm until I dragged him out.

The thing is no one knows everything and if you aren't careful that same advice you meant to try and save someone can just as easily hurt them.

I know I had just hurt Genshirou but he would have only fallen in love with her more and his poor self-esteem would have never been able to get to the point where he would ask to marry her and Sona would have just brushed him off. I couldn't be positive about this but through the years I had seen the same dance a thousand times and could probably do the steps without thinking. Hell I had probably danced it a few times.

The only way I could think of raising his self-esteem with girls was to have him date other girls. He might be able to go back to Sona later but, he needed to build himself up.

That was one of the odd things about this school. Most of the guys would score around an 8 or 9 in the sexy department if I used a panel of girls but there was apparently some anomaly making them think if they weren't pulling a ten they didn't have a chance. Which was odd considering I could count all the guys I had seen on both hands in a school this large that was just weird. Then again the recent conversion, but still guys should be clamoring to get in here.

Entering the class room I took an awkward look around to try and find an open seat then just decided to go stand in the back.

After another brief look around the class room I was able to pick out what at least in my mind were a few irregularities

First, the red head with the waist length hair probably around the same length my mother had if what Kurama said was true. She had the standard uniform on allowing me to know how much she liked to wear see through silk, the embroidery was nice though. Her most noticeable assets though outside of the normal joke, and ocean blue eyes, well that would have been her chest. Yes I meant her boobs. I have known many people with massive mammaries such as Tsunade, Boa Hancock, and that guy that Aladdin liked to torment but I will be honest in saying I have seen less impressive ones on cows. Now to be fair those cows had yet to fully grow into their udders but the point still stands.

Second the black haired, I guess since we are in Japan, traditional beauty standing next to her with a chest that just barely beat the red head's, as astounding as that is. Her hair was in a nice nearly floor length and fairly neat pony tail that you could tell which hairs she had left out on purpose. Like the first girl she was fairly tall and also like the first girl she kept looking between me and the third girl.

The third one was slight and clearly not in our grade and had yet to hit her stride in womanly development. She had her hair frame her face and light brown green eyes nicely with the back cut more into the traditional bob cut. As for her uniform she had dropped the shoulder cape but kept the fetish corset. Why they wore them I may never know, but what I do know is that she was crunching the back of that chair her hand was resting on while shaking in her boots or shoes in this case. Her staring at me was kind of unnerving, the way her associates next to her were trying to calm her down even more so. Honestly trying to stick a lollipop in a girl's mouth like that, what was wrong with them?

With my own curiosity sated I took a deep breath and made the aura that I put out more um how would I put it calming maybe or soothing? "You know class is about to start again you may want to head out."

Seeing her muscles relax a bit and the slight shock that this caused her, just made me more confused. When the words I had spoken finally hit her the annoyance seemed to fade away as she turned and ran out of the class room just barely fitting between Sona and the long haired student council girl who I would guess is Tsubaki and probably the vice-president.

With what was at that time the only two pairs of girls still standing both staring at each other with that look. I guess I should be more specific on that, the one which basically says what the hell just happened mixed with the 'we need to talk about Naruto behind his back'. I have dealt with these looks a lot.

With that fun bit of business completed school continued on as normal aside from the seemingly mandatory introductions that take place in every school show I have ever seen. For the seconed time today. They went something like this.

"We have a new student, would you please introduce yourself."

"Hello my name is Uzumaki Naruto, nice to meet you all."

"Are there any questions that have to be asked for the sole purpose of plot development? Yes Ms. Shinra."

"My name is Shinra Tsubaki where was your last school?"

"Scotland. It was very green. Um I guess you with the red hair?"

"My name is Gremory Rias why did you end up transferring here?"

"My Guardian and I decided it was time for me to move on." Well to be honest it was more of Kurama being a Kurama and me graduating in spite of one professor Snape. Then with a gesture towards the girl with the unrealistically long hair, "I guess your next?"

"What do you look for in a relationship?"

"A girl."

"Anything else?"

"No not really. Did you have a question Shitori?"

"What hobbies do you have?"

"I have many hobbies."

"That's good Uzumaki please sit down in the spot reserved for main characters in the last row over by the window."

While not exactly how it went down it was close enough and honestly I have been through this enough times to practically guess where I would be sitting without even trying. Also the questions can't forget those.

After that the rest of the school day was pretty normal except for the fact that I needed to go and copy all of the questions out of a couple people's books so I could do the homework. I might have just written my answers out at the same time, but that is beside the point. I mean honestly it took me an extra minute.

Upon finishing that I opted to go and find the kendo club considering I needed something to do and if they are as good as stated by Sona then it should at least be worth noting.

While on the outside the school looked very grandiose, the inside however looked only slightly less grandiose and very empty. I know I had read something about that in some religious text any way it will come to me eventually. So while the school was very nice there was (as always found in corridors that were very time dependent to be filled) a lot of room to move in and get lost in unless you knew your way.

Having been a ninja for many years and having an intrinsic knowledge of how to navigate the unknown, I immediately looked for someone that knew how to get around this school. Spotting the girl with braids from earlier I made my approach "Hello your from that class I was in earlier I didn't catch your name."

She turned around spotting me she blinked.

"Kiryuu Aika. Nice to talk to you Uzumaki what can I do for you, or do you for..." She winked suggestively.

That was a bit forward. "Well I was trying to get to the Kendo Club and needed directions. Because to be honest I have no clue how to get there. So do you think you could help me out?" Her arms began to take the favored female position of being on her waist with the head tilted to one side with her hip cocked a little bit as she did that look that just screamed are you an idiot or something. "What, are you planning on joining or something?"

"Maybe? I like Kendo, it's enjoyable, and I just haven't found a good group to spar with in a while. If they are as good as Shitori-san said it was I think I could enjoy myself there."

"She did tell you that it is an all-girls club right?"

"As in that men can't join, or that men are too intimidated to join?"

And there is the curious chin scratch, "Ahh… I actually don't know. I guess I can show you how to get there."

"Thanks! This really means a lot to me."

"Do you really enjoy kendo that much?"

"Well not particularly. I just like finding challenges and if our kendo club is as highly rated as everyone makes it sound then they should be a challenge."

"So I take it your one of those people that does something just because people say you can't."

"No, I would be one of those people that just smiles and waves."

"While doing it."

"Well I have never actually given birth."

"Humph, well the club is this way."

"So Kiryuu what do you enjoy doing?"

"Asking personal questions so quickly, aggressive-I like it."

"Well I kind have nothing to go on right now besides the hours of me taking a test we shared."

"Fair enough, I enjoy embarrassing cocky boys or as I like to think of them - the small cocks - and putting them in their place."

"I will admit doing that can be fun though I usually just try and up show them in everything I can just to prove my point."

"Oh are you looking for a challenge."

"Well we are heading to go see if I can join the Kendo club which may or may not have a gender requirement which if they do I am going to challenge them anyway. Which we just talked about, so yea maybe."

"Well we are here. Mind if I watch?"

"You can watch if you want, it shouldn't be that interesting though, just a normal question and if they shoot me down a simple challenge."

There she goes again giving me that 'are you stupid' look. Well this one is basically contained in a straight 'are you freaking kidding me' face without any other real body cues so yea… Now on to challenge the kendo club… I mean join- totally meant join.

Opening the door I needed to step aside as girl a rushed past me to grab something important out in the hallway while yelling something. Having to side step another girl as she also apparently needed to get out of the hallway while having to duck as someone else over extended themselves and tripped, somehow avoiding what was inevitability an accidental hit to the forehead. Having eventually made it to the center of the room I decided to make myself known. "Hello I am here to join the kendo club."

Out of the two girls that hadn't accidently tripped or needed to grab something from outside the one with the pink hair was the first to respond. "You do realize there is no men's kendo club and this is a girls club right?"

"Wait isn't there a law about equal clubs or something like that?"

"Nope definitely not."

"Huh. Well I am here to challenge the Kendo club then."

"You do realize that we have the national first and third ranked kendokas for our age group here?"

"Sounds fun. Who is the second?"

"Kirigaya Suguha. Wait you're actually going to challenge us?"

"That was the plan-I need a workout and the student council president recommended that I come here."

The girl with the long brown hair interrupted what would no doubt have been another outburst by swinging out her hand. "Very well if you want to fall to our blades who am I to stop you. First to three points wins with a five minute timer if that time is reached the person with the most points wins. Combat will not stop until someone scores. There is one condition if we win you have to admit girls are better than boys. Grab your gear."

"Can I borrow some?"

"Um, all we have is girls gear."

"I can work with that."

"Are you some sort of weird pervert?"

"Totally, because you know wearing some girls sweaty combat gear is totally a fetish… You know what? It probably is." Raising my right hand into some sort of right angle hand pointed up. I think that's how you do it. "I swear to not to get off on your sweaty old kendo gear."

At this point the reactions in the room were fairly varied the brunette and the pinkette in front of me were switching between different faces of frustration, shock, and appalment while Aika was holding her stomach trying not to laugh. The red head from the student council did a brief snort while still keeping an observant eye on me, unlike the other two girls looking in through the window.

When the two who I had pegged as leaders of the kendo club finally came to grips with the situation they led me to the back where I grabbed something that looked like it could fit. It was really only the guards because there was no way I was going to try on the robe thing which I could never remember the name of. Was it a hakuma? Anyway if I did that I couldn't get out of saying I had somehow gotten into girls pants. If I did that and it would have somehow invalidated my earlier argument.

Which brings us up to the time of the duels. In which I was still wearing my uniform (tie included), the face mask, arm guard, throat guard, and shoulder guards. Also I was holding a shinai considering I was facing off against the pink haired girl it really shouldn't have been surprising that I was holding one but none the less I was.

Having forgotten one key thing up to this point I opted to get it out of the way to make our duel easier. "So my name is Uzumaki Naruto… what is your name missss…."

"Katase."

"Is that a first name or a last name?"

"Does it matter?"

"I guess not."

"Murayama can we please start this fight."

"One second, was that a first or a last name?"

"Doesn't matter we will begin the match when I after the count of three. One… two… three."

Katase opted to go for an early throat strike- overall good move, she can shift her position to defend fairly easily and it forces me onto the defensive. I opt to dodge by taking back one step to the… yea left wait mmm .325 seconds and strike downwards from a raised position striking her wrists then rolling around her arm bringing my hilt up behind her arm pit with the blade resting in it. To be fair that was actually really stupid of me because just like now she could clamp her arm down on it pinning it and try to go all ham on me with her shinai like she is currently doing. Which basically leaves me side stepping for the next 4 going on five minutes. Is there a rule about this? Probably not I mean who would be dumb enough to purposely disarm themselves.

After allowing for the time to run out I think that was the time at least Murayama gives the final score, "Katase 0, Naruto 1. You ready for round two mister show off."

"I would like my shinai back please."

In a rather good display of athletic ability she threw it at me making it appear somewhat like a buzz saw you know with the spinning and everything but I digress. Reaching my hand out I grab it with a roll of my wrist so as not to break my arm.

"Katase can you please start the match."

"Yes captain on the count of three. One… Two… three"

The brunette is playing it safer than her pink haired compatriot playing a defensive game with her shinai in a mid-guard position.

Seeing my moment of distraction, as I tried to come up with some sort of bad pun, she come at me with gusto, keeping herself well defended while placing her strikes with surprising accuracy. To be honest Katase was equally as good she just got ambitious with her first strike which let me get my one strike in. Leaving me with but one real choice.

Forcing myself into her guard I take my left hand off the hilt using it to reinforce the back of my "blade" to help block her retaliatory strike and hitting her in the throat guard with my hilt throwing her off balance giving me a shot at striking her wrist. And that's five minutes."

"Murayama 0, Uzumaki 1."

"Cool… So can I join your club?"

"NO THIS IS A GIRLS ONLY CLUB!" How they got that synced up like that is pretty freaky, almost like that one time… no best not to think about that.

"Ahh ok then. I will be on my way."

"NO! One more duel." The in step talking is still going on weird they usually branch off to finishing each other's sentences by now.

"Why? I can't join the club, and I have already beaten some of the best girls in Japan. There is no reason for me to stay."

"Then how about a bet."

"You face the two of us…"

"…at the same time."

"If we win…"

"…you admit that girls are better."

"If you win…" There is the finishing sentences thing hmm.

"…you can command both of us to do one thing at any time…"

"… and we will do it."

"So basically if you win I need to tell everyone that two girls are better than one guy in Kendo and if you lose I get to command both of you at potentially different points to do something like walk into the wrong locker room to change for gym. Why is this a good idea for you again?"

"BECAUSE WE WON'T LOSE!" And there back in sync is this some sort of weird friend ship ability Tia would know.

"Well then I guess I can do it if you are so insistent."

"Meguri can you please ref the match."

Turning to look at the red head in the corner I see a glint of excitement in her eyes as she gives off a cheery smile. "I would love to on behalf of the student council." Yep so confirmed student council and confirmed red head mmm… yea unless she dyed it recently but she doesn't look the type, meh will withhold judgement judgment for now."

"The match will start on the count of three and will continue on until five minutes. If both teams are tied at that point we will continue until next point. Is every one clear?"

"""Hai.""" Which translates to yes I think. I am pretty sure I am supposed to speak this fluently by now I mean it was my original language I mean it is kind of odd that I was always told it was Japanese even back in the elemental nations who knows how long ago, heck it was even called that back in old space not Germany where everyone still spoke it. Weird.

"Well then. One… Two… Three."

In an impressive show of team work they rush me (that wasn't the impressive part) while keeping each other guarded (that was), not really allowing me any room to make a counter attack and actually barely enough room to block. Keeping a nice and steady back pedal I kept myself moving in a circle so as not to go out of bounds having to work in side steps occasionally to allow myself the breathing room needed even though they are clearly trying to stop me from keeping my circular motion.

Waiting for the opening I have been looking for the with brown haired one going for a horizontal strike with the pink one going for a shoulder to hip slash I duck down and roll behind them going for a body shot but they were able to both dodge my strike putting them almost on either side of me. Well so much for that idea. Now having to block and dodge strikes from both the front and the back I am hard pressed to not go crazy and stay at what as people would say a normal level of ability. On a side note it hurts having to do something like that in this stuff.

Well I honestly have not come up with a good way to get out of this and we are at almost five minutes. So it looks like we are going to have to go with bad ideas. With Katase going for a vertical chop I drop my shinai grabbing the middle of her blade in a sword grab pulling her forward and using her blade to block Murayama's slash, stepping on the end of the hilt of my shinai causing it to go right between the pinkette's legs while guiding her shinai into the brunette's throat-all the while blocking the strike from the last blade.

"Match. Katase and Murayama 0 and Uzumaki 1."

Grabbing between her crouch and rolling on the ground is Katase giving me a death glare while mumbling something about "never having three kids and being a stay at home mom". Meanwhile it looks like Murayama is somehow about to become a super saiyan. Good for her.

"Well thanks for the tour Kiryuu, good seeing you again Meguri, and thanks for the matches Katse and Murayama. I got to go and do something else bye." It was at this point I did the same thing that any sane man would do. Run like a saint out of a strip club. Well unless you were the saint of strippers. So like any saint that wasn't the patron saint of strippers out of a strip club.

~O~O~

"Sona. The reason that Koneko was in our class room during lunch was that she felt the natural energy in the area was acting weird. I think it is that new boy Naruto. Because she basically just looked at him like he was some sort of blessed angel showed up and was gunning for her or something before bolting when he looked at her and smiled."

"Honestly wouldn't surprise me. Do you know the reason I had to leave the party Saturday?"

"I am assuming it was because of Naruto."

"Yes and do you want to know the reason he is driving me all the way up the wall and half way to heaven."

"I am going to assume you are just going to tell me."

"His background is too perfect. Literally the only thing wrong with him is the fact that his incoming paperwork looks like it was done by some one more as a joke then an actual attempt. He has no actual hospital record, if he was born no group in heaven, hell, the dimensional gap, or anywhere in between has any record of it. The only real number we have on him is that his birthday is the tenth of October.

"He goes and takes all of the placement exams and gets all of the answers correct, I give him the test you need to get a doctorates in psychology and he passed it before noon with the paper. He literally wrote a three page doctorate level paper in under an hour.

Do you know what happens next?

"No, Sona, please enlighten me.

"Then when I am about to start the process of getting another peerage member he walks in and ruins that by pointing out that the boy just wants to get me pregnant and leave me, scaring him and getting him to leave before I can say a word. AHHHH."

"Dibs."

"What?"

"I call dibs."

"You want to try and put him in your peerage?"

"Yes, he is obviously smart and if he can get natural energy to respond to him, powerful. I need strong pieces if I am going to be able to break off my engagement."

"You have no idea what kind of trouble you're getting yourself into."

"Why do you say that?"

"Have you seen the trouble he has caused so far? I sent him to the kendo club to blow off some steam."

"His or yours."

"Both but at this point it wouldn't surprise me if he somehow beat them all embarrassed them and got them to promise him their virginity in order to do it."

'knock'

"Come in."

In walked my knight hopefully she has good news, please Tomoe have good news. "How did his trip to the kendo club go."

"Well even though I wasn't able to challenge him Katase and Murayama were and they put up a good showing for themselves."

"So they beat him?"

"No he beat them quite soundly by basically dodging around them the entire time and getting one strike in each time. Except for the last match where he hit both of them almost at the same time at the five minute mark.

"Wait, both of them."

"Yes Kaichou. He had three matches altogether the first two he faced each of them one on one while in the last match he faced both of them at the same time."

"They didn't make any stupid bets did they?"

"Well they did promise that if they lost they would do any one thing for him."

"You say they as in Katse and Murayama correct."

"Yes Kaichou."

"Bless it to heaven."

"Oh I am so going to try and get him into my peerage and you can't stop me Sona."

"Rias I can see nothing good from him joining your peerage."

"He just proved he is talented and can use a sword, he probably has some sort of youkai ancestry because he can apparently manipulate nature, and apparently he is frustrating for anyone to find information on. He could help a lot if I could blind side Raiser with him."

"You do realize the frustrating to deal with part right?"

"Yes, which is a drawback I will admit but I am grasping at straws and I need people. I have my eyes on some else to but I still have more pieces I can have and I need as many good fighters as I can get."

"Who is the other one?"

"Hyoudou Issei."

"One of the perverted trio. Rias are you really that desperate?"

"Grasping at straws here Sona."

"Yes but are you taking into account how easy he is going to be to distract and take out, Why do you want him anyway?"

"He has a sacred gear. He hasn't unlocked it yet but I am willing to take the bet that it will be worth it."

"You're taking a pretty big gamble Rias." She was probably digging herself a grave right now but, there wasn't that much that either her or I could right now. Why did things have to turn out this way? "Remember Rias, if you need help just ask me and I will see what I can do."

"Thank you, I need to get going for some club activities." Standing up and brushing her skirt off, Rias made her way to the door.

I spoke up halfway through her shutting the door on her way out. "Good luck Rias." There was a slight pause before the door closes all of the way with a resounding click.

"Tomoe I need you to stay at my house tonight if you can, so you can help me monitor the situation at Uzumaki's house."

"Yes Kaichou. Is there anything else I need to be aware of?"

"No but there is a very good chance we are going to have a strategizing session over the weekend to figure out how we are going to deal with him. I don't think this is going to go as well as Rias is hoping for."

~O~O~

After having made a quick escape from the "righteous" female fury that had taken over the kendo club aside from the student council girl (they did say her name was Tomoe) and from Kiryuu who in hindsight really just disappeared from the scene altogether after making it into the club room.

Any way after having made it out of the lion's den I took a much more sedate pace. A lot of things had happened today apparently the student council president was some sort of megalomaniac trying to bend people to her will. It honestly kind of made me wonder what she had on the rest of the student council. They were obviously friends now but something was just a little off. I do hope they aren't planning on going for world domination because the two girls they have trying to tail me can barely keep up with me as it is and I just don't want to see them having to go and run around like that they would just get utterly worn out.

Other than that the other big things of note was the loli who could apparently sense the way nature chakra acted around me and Kiryuu and her not so subtle attempts of trying to follow me around for her no doubt own clearly pure and innocent reasons.

The odds of Sona trying to spy on me were basically guaranteed the fact that there may have been some new cameras installed on my way home and apparently some things set up around my house proper including a deer camera. If they actually got into my house I would give them mad props but it looked more like they were going with a more distance method somehow expecting me to notice if they did something to my house. They were right but then again I think they were just being paranoid.

I mean honestly I hadn't even begun to install any of my traps yet. Then they would really have to be paranoid but only if they stepped on the grass. I mean who honestly booby traps there their walkway, it's like they don't want any visitors and that's just mean.

It's not like I really had anything to hide in my house. I kept most of it elsewhere and would probably only have minimal gear here until I built another one of my awesome underground training areas of amazingness (patent repending). I mean you really can't just leave that kind of hardware just floating around where people can see it.

"Come to think about it I should probably introduce myself to my neighbors at some point. Meh this weekend should be fine. Now what to have for dinner tonight? You know what, Ramen sounds good!"


	2. Chapter 2

Well sorry it took so long but here is the new chapter. I have a tentative schedule set up now so let's see how that works out.

~Common themes used last time~

As stated part of this story is to just flat out call out problems with this story. Also with a lot of fanfiction in general.

I act nothing like me: My god, its any evil clone that looks exactly like character X but his clothes are way cooler and he acts entirely different.

The Ageless: Naruto for some reason never ages and is in fact extremely old even thou he only looks X years old.

Knowledge comes with age not Alhazheimers: The really old guy knows everything having for some reason not having forgotten any of even though it happened at least two hundred years ago.

Manipulative people are Evil: As everyone knows only evil people try and force a situation into something they want using manipulation.

Manipulation never works: Self-explanatory. Something always happens to prevent it from working. It's usually the heroes fault unless it's Batman doing it.

The new guy is always mysteries: He could have been your neighbor for years or an extremely well known celebrity but why is he here and why have I never noticed him before I must find out.

This thing is happening: Sir you scheduled us to wash your plane but you don't own a plane. Well should probably buy one then.

To cool for 'insert': After fighting off the latest demon lord using only a sword tied to his head the hero ventures off to go and fight the local LARPers.

That stamina though: In a world full of fit people only one man can sprint three miles? You have got to be kidding me.

~Reviews~

KHARAKI TAKAN, Ariel Night, AzureSoulReaper, Lazymanjones96, desdelor97, BigBoySpartan, WindyCitySlayer1, Acesnowlightning, bladeetri: Thank you for the compliments here is the next chapter. Hopefully just as good as the last one.

Unstezr: Thank you for at least giving it a try and I appreciate your opinion but, as it stands right now I feel I am better at writing in first person then third I might need to change that in a different story though.

Lightningblade49: Well we don't see the consequences yet but they will show up eventually.

reality deviant: While it seems like it comes off like that I am more of trying to make fun of the entire thing I will need to work on it a bit more in order to keep it from to biased and such and not make Naruto some god like figure.

Halo Star Wars X-over fan: Part of the Naruto acting OOC is the fact that he is at this point so stupidly old the universe has reset a couple times. His personality would have in fact changed over time. This is actually brought up in the future from another character and part of this fic is going to try and get him to try and start reestablishing his bounds with people again or a return to what he was. The dialogue is a bit tricky because I honestly hate it when people use the word said for some unknown reason. I will work on trying to differentiate the characters dialogue more in order to tell them apart more easily. Thank you for your honest and constructive opinion.

SAIMES: While I appreciate your support they have vailed well thought out points and aren't just trying to rag on it. I actually like reviews like that and try and leave helpful reviews on other people's stories. It is important in a crossover to establish the characters well and make them easily recognizable from how they act. I myself have gotten annoyed when I feel other people have made Naruto completely different and could have just as effectively made a self-insert with the exact same looks. Since like I explained above this is in some way a get him back to what he was as opposed to shifting him into something new I think as long as he is somewhat recognizable and I am pushing in the right direction I can make it work. There points still stand though. Once again thank you for the support but maybe try phrasing it differently next time.

He Who Seeks The Joy in Life: Please be nice to the other reviewers. He was just trying to supportive.

~X~X~X~

To those whom it may concern. Please support the official release.

~X~X~X~

It had been one week sense he had first entered my world, my territory, my domain. He also liked running through it like a bull with a missile launcher at an international emporium of fine historic china.

The first day ruined my lunch time engagements. Then he worked his way through the kendo club and then promptly left.

That may have been the best day that week.

He had someway found a way to work his way through the Baseball, Basketball, Cycling, Orchestra, Ball Room Dance, Going Home, American Football, Game Creation, Band, Volleyball, Photography, Swimming, Speech & Debate, Swimming, Game Creation (Provisional), Tea Ceremony, Archery, and Gymnastics clubs in what was left of the week. In some cases it seemed like he was at two places at the same time making any aspiring brigade captain wonder how he was doing it. The most spectacular of the complaints I had gotten was actually from the AHF club saying all of their papers were thrown around as he left when they began discussing how to bring the public to a better understanding of yaoi.

Leaving him with no matter how you look at it a very busy week. Which should have made him too tired to do anything to affect my life over the weekend.

Which brings up the question of why, at six o'clock at night is he standing in front of my door holding a box of what looks like vintage wine.

"Hello neighbor. My name is Uzumaki Naruto and I just moved in next door. Sorry I couldn't introduce myself earlier but I have been pretty busy the entire week."

I hate him so much right now. "Good to meet you again Uzumaki-san. I take it the wine is your welcoming present."

"Why yes Shitori-san it is. Are your parents' home so that I can give this to them or do I need to hold onto it until they pick it up from me?"

"No they are not here right now I can take it for them though."

"I can't do that and that would be giving alcohol to a minor. That is clearly illegal."

Wait why does he have it anyway? "I am the student council president you can trust me."

"Hmm. So if I leave this here with you if I show back up in a few hours I won't find you and your friends doing something illegal, entirely stupid, and contrived?"

"Do you not trust me Uzumaki-san?"

"I will trust you this time, but please do remember that trust can be easily lost. Seeing that it looks like you are entertaining some guests right now, I will take my leave. Have a good day Shitori-san."

"You too Uzumaki-san, I hope you have a good night as well." With that he handed me the crate and walked away. Allowing me to swipe the door shut with my foot and head to the kitchen where my peerage was waiting for us to continue our meeting.

Setting the crate on the table I began sorting through the contents removing the crumpled up newspaper he was using to separate the different bottles. Upon examination each of the bottles had a swirling mark on them with years and places that while lining up for the most part were unrealistic including Babylon, Shin Tokyo, Mars, and Fire Country. Oddly enough the most unrealistic one was from Tokyo about fifteen years in the future.

While I put the bottles away in their proper places my peerage went through the paper and the crate itself to check for anything that could be a listening device or magic spell. I suppose you could say we were being paranoid but we had been digging for information all week on him.

While for the most part there was nothing except for snippets here and there. While his name never actually appeared there were a handful of pictures of him the odd thing was that none of them were particularly recent or close together. He had stepped off the boat with the occupation force of Japan after World War II, had fought in the American civil war, was in a portrait of at least one French royal family, and while it was significantly harder to be sure he had appeared in Roman, Greek, and Babylonian statues along with writings of what could have been him in both Cuneiform and Egyptian Hieroglyphics.

The only reason we were even able to get that much was due to the fact that Beelzebub was able to combine the power of devil technology, Google, and surprisingly Bing in order for us to run the most complex search on any individual. The lack of information we got was honestly down right depressing considering the fact that when Rias ran the same search on Issei who aside from his never ending perversion had almost no social impact had a down right huge amount of information aside from his internet browsing history.

"So how is everything going?"

"We didn't find anything in the basket Kaichou"

"Well at least he is not trying to find anything about us. Have we got anything new from our tailing him?"

Tsubaki looked up from the table in the living room where we were keeping information on the blond bastard spread out. Honestly it was kind of depressing that all of our information fit on a small coffee table. "No. He leaves for school at around the same time everyday no real deviation in his path or speed. He has made three phone calls to an untraceable number and likes watching anime.

"He has shown to have an insane amount stamina and being extremely physically fit. Academically he appears to be a prodigy. He is extremely charismatic pulling attention from a good number of the girls and most of the guys don't outright hate him because he is just to 'god damn nice.' Sona you have been with us for hours. You know all of this. We are going to have to be more invasive if we want to find anything."

"Tsubabki I don't think we can be more invasive. He seems to know that something is up and is playing with us."

Looking up from her homework in confusion Ruruko asked, "What makes you say that Kaichou?"

"He never seems fazed whenever I try and bring up what little we have on him. I mean look at this." Walking back into the kitchen and bringing out the 'Babylonian' wine, "He is either feeding us information or he is somehow spying on us without us being any the wiser. I really don't want to know which one might be worse."

Slowly plopping myself down on one of the couches and taking a breath while looking at the bottle, "Knowing him this is all fake and is just a bottle of grape juice." Reaching out with my magic I let it flow through the bottle trying to find anything, and as seems to be the case when it comes to him found nothing.

Sighing then grabbing a discarded glass I open the bottle in my hands hearing a satisfying pop and slowly dying fizz pouring in a small amount before giving a brief sniff before taking a sip. "Huh, surprisingly good. I do believe it is time for a break. Everyone remembered to bring their candy this week right? Good Momo you're dealing the first hand."

~O~O~

You could plan everything out for the end of your near perfect week and yet something will always fall apart at the last moment ruining the entire thing.

I had overall once again discovered that the clubs really had nothing to offer me. To be fair I might have a bit of an advantage over every one in the athletic department. Having been around long enough had given me an understanding of the arts and while not to the level of my fighting I could paint a picture or play some instruments.

Which brings out the amazing point that history is rather repetitive. Yes in the, if you don't know your history you're doomed to repeat it. Also though there are patterns and tendencies in the universe itself that just can't be blamed on human nature.

I mean yes, people always come up with something new every time the universe cycles through and while yes, people come up with new things (see how many different styles of Gundams there are) they basically follow a fairly standard pattern. First comes the physical arts, maybe some spiritual they may or may not combine them. At some point they will abandon that for technology falling back in technological advancement then pushing forward at an accelerated rate only pausing every decade or so to allow people to think they have "maxed out."

Inevitable they will either: A exterminate themselves, B anger a god or C they can meet aliens. If the alien eventuality does happen we have another sub tree were they either go to war, create some sort of agreement, or get enslaved. While winning either the war or escaping from enslavement is a possibility it is equally as likely that extermination will happen.

Then eventually we reach the heat death of the universe to be fair I have only been to this point a few times. Typically most all "intelligent" life forms have exterminated themselves by then. At which point I have seen who knows how many earths rise and fall with disturbing frequency. Then when everything has reached an infinite distance from everything else except for the remaining sentient beings. Which due to the minor control they have over there "being" watch as matter itself breaks down creating a field in the "center" of the universe forcing all the energy expounded to collapse into itself forming a singularity creating an infinitely dense ball of energy which forces most of itself back into matter. However before the full conversion can take place the reaction will destabilizes creating the phenomenon known as the big bang.

To be fair surviving that is an absolute bitch at best and involves timing jumps in space-time in order for you to be present and not at specific instances. Thank you Orochimaru for getting me through that first one because I honestly couldn't have done it myself.

So I have literally seen everything in the universe. On the other hand there are differences every time. The specifics in how people manipulate energy and such. Heck one civilization made it into space using only super advanced steampunk technology. So while I do learn some it's not much because in the end they all relate back into each other.

This still leaves me in my current predicament. I had made myself a lovely dinner which included mashed potatoes, corn, and according to the box Steak (I was honestly still debating that) then for desert, I had made myself freshly baked cookies.

It is a testament to how little I pay attention to everything but the instructions when it took me an hour and a half and four sheets of cookies to realize I made the wrong recipe again. Considering I still had a five galleon bucket of dough still to go that might have been saying something.

Out of my limited options for disposal I opted for the simplest plan I could come up with. There was a literal house full of girls next door. This could be the easiest possible way to get rid of all my excess baked goods.

Though she said they wouldn't.

She was a teenage girl with friends over without supervision.

"Trust is a two way street. Dattebayo."

~O~O~

"You're back."

"Yes I am."

"Why are you back?" It had been all of two maybe three hours since he had left, now he was back and he had a five gallon bucket of something and a plate of cookies.

"I made a miscalculation."

"You, the perfect person, make a mistake?"

"Yes, I grabbed the wrong recipe and didn't realize it until I had already made too much."

"And what did you make too much of."

"Cookie dough."

"Cookie dough?"

"Cookie dough."

"Cookie dough…"

"Cookie dough."

This could be one of the best ideas that I have ever had. "Would you like to play a game?"

"What kind of game?"

"The kind where you can win candy."

"I am trying to get rid of cookie dough?"

"Candy lasts longer, you can store it."

"I don't care for candy though."

"Then just lose. It will be… fun?"

"You aren't going to let me leave are you?"

"Nope."

"Let's get this over with. What are we going to play?"

It might be a little heavy handed but there is no way he is escaping us without giving us a little bit of information. Worst case though we still get the cookie dough. Besides everyone knows not to gamble with a devil.

"Poker. Why, are you afraid you're going to lose?"

~O~O~

They say that the best way to avoid an awkward situation with a member of the opposite gender is to never put yourself in a position where one can happen. For the most part this is true with very few exceptions. Most of those exceptions are along the lines Ichika, Minato, and Bell also just stairs in general.

Sadly this was not one of those situations. First I had knowingly entered a residence I knew there were no parents which was also holding a slumber party or student council meeting. Second while not known if they had partaken any I had delivered an entire box full of (freaking amazing) wine that I had personally made. Third it was getting to be 'late' at night, it really depends if you consider 8:30 to be late or not.

So I really only had myself to blame for this.

Thankfully they had not been doing what every lust filled heterosexual male in their late teens would kill to see and might believe happens at girls slumber parties (insert scene with too few clothes, too much chocolate, and way to much 'socializing'). Not so good was the fact that while they had shown restraint in only emptying two bottles between the seven girls in two and a half hours they were still opened with a fair amount missing.

Due to the there being as of my joining eight people and wanting to have quick games we started off easy with a game which they had just learned and were calling Texas Holdem. I believe I remember hearing it called that at some point, but the last time I remember playing it was called Skyllian Rush and Ashley and Jane were mad at me, while John thought it was "mildly entertaining" while sitting in his boxers.

After a couple rounds of that with a fair bit of cookie dough leaving my holdings and a fair bit more candy and a bottle of Hershey's entering my possession. They handed me a drink. I honestly couldn't tell you which one of my bottles it was from. In order to keep up appearances I made sure to drink at least as much as they did.

It was a half hour latter that I realized they were trying to get me drunk. I think I was drinking around half as much as they did combined. While normally a bad idea, a fast metabolism and healing factor was able to make up for it. They had increased their drinking not wildly so but it was progressively getting up there.

Then came the questions.

Are you enjoying Japan? Yes. The crowds in some areas can be annoying but thankfully not really a problem here.

How did you enjoy Scotland? It was damp fairly pretty though, at least the area I was in.

How is it coming back? Normal. As opposed to the times I had fought large moths, yanderes, or in secret "underground" battle tournaments.

Who is your favorite French renaissance philosopher? Petrus Ramus. Nice enough guy.

Your thoughts on the tunic. Much more liberating then pants but mildly annoying when driving your chariot.

Favorite dinosaur. Rev Raptor.

Seeing as how they were trying to pick information from me it was fair that I answer in kind.

Favorite chocolate?

The type of guys you like?

Favorite book?

Least enjoyable ice cream?

This went on for a while until it happened. We were on the sixth empty bottle and someone had over extended on a previous hand leaving them a little short for pulling full returns if they won that hand. So they upped the bet by a shoe. They won that hand with a fairly high four of a kind. The problem was that a president had been set.

So began the slow process of most everybody losing their clothes. Sona was able to keep most of hers only losing a shoe for a brief period of time. By the time it could have possibly been underwear I was already wearing a blindfold made out of a dishrag. The fact that even more bizarre things kept ending up on the pot including a kiss at one point and the fact that I had yet to get any clothes in my holdings was not called out until there were only three of us remaining.

It was dark forcing me to figure out what my hand was by the feel of my cards. Wait that was the blindfold. Yea I have no clue what I have. Now to follow the pervy sage's advice. Fake it till you make it. I think it was actually applicable in this scenario do to him giving it to me as advice to help with the ladies.

"Uzumaki, I thought you were trying to get rid of all of the sweets?"

"That was the plan."

"Then why are all of your holdings sweets?"

"It would be more problematic to be walking away with everyone's clothes don't you think."

"You could always lose?"

Really if it was that easy I would have done it women! "That is one way to do it I guess." The problem with it is they would for some reason, try and force me to continue after I had lost all of my holdings using the most evil of all techniques. Peer Pressure. Also probably calling me chicken or saying "you won't" and other such phrases.

"And the method you were going to use to solve your dilemma?"

I really need to think this through more. "If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise now would it?" If I do this right and she doesn't go all in I can match her lose everything and leave with everything I wanted to (clothes (mine) and dignity). "So is this going to be the last hand?"

"It's getting late it probably should be if we want to get to the real stuff before we fall asleep." Commented Reya who if I remember hearing correctly was wearing olive green thigh high stockings and arm things for some reason.

Sona then decided to pip in much to my dismay. "If that's the case are we all going all in?"

"Can I assume that this doesn't mean clothes as well?"

"You can assume that." You could almost feel the predatory leers from the entire room as they stared at I was hoping my shirt.

If there was anything I learned from Tsunade it was that having a large chest didn't give as much of an advantage in gambling halls as they should and that backing down was always a bad idea, Sadly I currently didn't have one of those and I was never one to do the other,

In order to keep it 'interesting' they let me keep my hand while they laid theirs out. Honestly didn't help me any but the groups confidence seemed to go up if the few snickers I heard were anything to go by.

The first three cards out ten and queen of spades followed by the queen of diamonds.

Due to us all being all in, we proceeded with the turn revealing a jack of spades. A slight mumble from Reya and the 'hmm' from Sona probably meant there position had just changed for the hand.

As Tsubaki (the previously unmentioned dealer) flipped the last card revealing the most anticipated two of clubs I have ever been told about.

In the end Reya had a strong four of a kind using the queens, which was beat out by Sonas Straight Flush with an eight through queen in spades. You could hear the victory in the Student Body Presidents voice as she told me to reveal my hand. The fact that as I showed my hand you could probably hear a pen drop was entirely unsubstantiated.

With this knowledge I made my way to the bathroom locked the door and looked at my cards. From the looks of it I could proudly say that Bret would be proud of me. Now to find a way out of this metaphorical pickle.

Well lets so if there is a window to climb out of.

~O~O~

Seeing the blindfolded boy who was currently the 'owner' of a 'pile' of girl's clothes try and make his way to the bathroom trying to use the couch and a wall as a guide to make it out of the living room somehow felt like poetic justice. In all honesty the removal of clothes stopped by the time it would have gotten indecent and Naruto had already been wearing his blindfold at the time.

I say we stopped but Reya felt that was cheating and was currently removing the last of hers, next to the nude Tomoe who stated "it was hot". Which left me thankful that he did keep the blind fold on the entire time.

Throughout the entire game he had appeared bored almost like he was expecting himself to win. The fact that most of the times he 'lost' a hand he simply folded, this happened both before and after the blindfold.

His winning hands were usually only barely better than the next persons sometimes coming down to comparing suits. The Royal Flush at the end of the game should have been expected the way things were going.

We had checked him for cheating, we were watching his hands after about half way and even started scanning to see if he was using magic. Nothing.

Something was defiantly up with him, nothing really lined up. While no prodigy he had too good of a grasp on to many hobbies. The opposite problem with his background with the only official documents being clearly doctored. The extremely good luck was something else as well.

Standing up and quickly putting my hand on the couch behind me to steady myself, 'must have been sitting for too long.' Reveling a little in the fact I wasn't in my uniform stretched a little bit before cleaning up the area for the last game of the night.

Grabbing one of the empty bottles and placing it on its side in the middle of the couches, we spread out in a semblance of a circle.

While poker was a fairly regular game in our gatherings, only rarely devolving into the strip variety, spin the bottle was a mainstay. It was a good game to learn about your friends when they picked truth and the light hearted antics that appeared on dare was similarly a form of bonding.

Placing my hand on the neck of the bottle a quick flick of my wrist set it spinning around, leaving us to wait.

As it slowed down it appeared like it was going to stop on me before gently continuing its path and stopping at Tomoe.

A grin appeared on her face as she looked at me light seeming to gleam off of her eyes, "Dare."

"You have to kiss," was out of my mouth before I realized it as the bottle spun once again as every one watched it. Finally ending up in the spot between Reya and Tsubaki.

"Well it looks like we are going to nee… Uzumaki what are you doing?" How we almost missed him as he casually walked along the wall towards the front door was beyond me.

"Leaving? I didn't want to interrupt your game."

While this was an opportunity for us to get rid of him, Tomoe would insist on following through with her dare. Considering everyone's state of dress particularly hers that was problematic, thankfully Uzumaki was still wearing his blindfold.

That could work, "That's fine. Would it be too much of an issue for us to borrow a futon?"

"That's fine I can bring one back real quick."

"No, we will come and get just let us grab some coats real quick." The coat rack was in reach.

The arch of his eyebrow was clearly visible even with the blindfold. "Really it's no problem, I can be back in a minute or two."

Grabbing one quickly as I made my back towards him, "I wouldn't want to be a bother."

"Wouldn't trouble me in the slightest." He said while making to turn back towards to the door.

I was up and grabbing his shoulder almost surprised by my own speed. "I insist really."

His shoulders slumping in defeat told me all I needed to know. Waiting only slightly while Tomoe grabbed her own coat that reached half way down her thighs. The fact that Tsubaki looked like she wanted to say something, but knowing this needed to be done or else it would only escalate to the entire student body knowing I shot her a look. Causing her to just slowly rub her forehead in defeat.

Moving while I still had the momentum we were out the door quickly, Naruto quickly taking the lead and the blindfold off while mumbling under his breath. Following him we stayed on the side walk about step next to him he broke his silence, "Stay off the grass."

The sudden statement caused me to stumble as I corrected my step. "Why."

Reaching for the door knob he quickly opens the door, turning around he looked at me with earnest eyes, "Your safety. You can wait in the front room." Turning again he made for a door then started down a flight of stairs.

The room seemed a little big for the house, but left a lot of room for things which he clearly took advantage of. A set of couches pointed in the general direction of a large TV with a wooden cabinet set out underneath of it. Pictures of people littered the walls, the fact that most of them were of cosplayers a bit fascinating especially considering the some of the backgrounds that were photo shopped in. They ranged from slice of life things, spacey like Star Wars and Gundam, fantasy with people in witch's robes and elves, and a good number of them seemed to have one normal guy with six or seven attractive girls surrounding him.

Pulling out my phone I started taking pictures, this was the most inside we had ever gotten and while it wasn't my intention in coming here I wasn't going to waste it.

Tomoe had caught sight of a sword case with a surprising number of different style blades in it, there also happened to by what appeared to be a butcher's knife turned into a sword hanging above it. The holes in the blade probably meant to make it weigh less, though would still take a body builder to try and lift the thing.

"I wonder why he has so many."

Taking a break from my pictures I looked closer at the swords. While a good number of them appeared to be fairly normal a handful with a suppressed element there was an equal number with paper covering the guards and some of the sheath with writing on them. Taking a few pictures of them I moved on trying to get as much information as I could.

Opening the TV cabinet there were the expected gaming systems and surprisingly controls for a turn table. Hearing something coming from the stairwell I quickly put my phone in my coat pocket.

Looking over I saw the door being pushed a bit more open, as the requested futon went through the portal. A closely following Naruto with what appeared to be a cat onesie or footy pajamas (never really figured out the name). Setting the bedding down and throwing me the pajamas, "You may want to put that on."

Looking at him questioningly I watched as his finger pointed from straight at me then pointing down.

Following his finger I looked down, thankful that I was at least wearing my conservative underwear upon realizing I had grabbed a coat that only just meet the upper band of my navy blue panties. Quickly putting the pajamas in front of me I looked at him, heat quickly overcoming my face.

Motioning in a new direction he made his way towards the swords paying attention to my face, "Bathrooms first door on the right."

Moving quickly I practically run towards my salvation, a backwards glance showed him standing next to Tomoe both looking into the cabinet his voice ringing in my ears again, "You see something you like."

My last look as I closed the door showed my knight fingering the buttons on her jacket as he pointed at the different swords talking about them.

Taking a breath for myself, my back fell against the wall as I slowly slide down against it.

He saw me in my underwear, while other people had done it they were also girls. No matter how much the perverted trio tried they had never caught any of the devils unless we let them. The fact that Rias had been caught so many times either said she was playing the long game or was an exhibitionist.

I really didn't know which to think of my longest friend.

But he had seen me. He didn't play it up. He treated it like an everyday occurrence.

To be fair with the dress code it could have been.

Damn Onee and Sirzechs for not allowing me to change them to something more professional.

Without even mentioning it he grabbed me something to wear, granted I can't let Serafall ever find out about it.

Serafall.

Serafall..

Serafall…

He must be working for Searfall, "Ha ha hahahahhahahahahahahahahha."

My knees appeared in my chest as my arms surrounded them as I slowly rocked myself back and forth.

Think clearly. The sooner I get back to my house the sooner I can take this off and burn it.

Slowly standing up and walking to the mirror, I undid the buttons on the coat, letting it slide off my shoulders and into my hands before placing it on the marble countertop.

Staring at myself for a second wondering what I was doing, another reflection caught my eye.

A porcelain fixture that is not in any girl's bathroom.

I had seen urinals before, and was always interested in figuring out if I could find a way to use one. I was standing in front of it with my fingers on my waistband before I realized what I was about to do.

Glancing back at the mirror I saw myself shame feeling me for the briefest of moments before my skin touched the cold glass.

Feeling the now unstoppable urge to pee, I quickly pulled down stepping out of my panties pressing myself forward the cold glass now reaching between my thighs and running along my chest as relief filled my body.

You don't know how long you have been holding it, until you let it all go.

Cleaning up what little mess there was I hurriedly put on the provided pajamas and stepped out. "Sorry I took so lon…"

The fact that Tomoe was wearing a jacket, was of little comfort as her shoulders were barely winning the fight of keeping it on. Her modesty was protected by the fact that one of her legs was hooked behind Uzumaki's back and his arms held her close in a plunging dive of a kiss.

The breakaway was slow as they looked into each other's eyes, hers slowly fluttering in a new discovery, his holding an unknown intensity.

His mouth slowly opened the depth of his voice sending shivers down my spine. "Were you needing something to wear before I kicked you out?"

~X~X~


End file.
